She thought nothing worse could happen. In the past six months Susanna had broken her leg, lost her dog, and found that her boyfriend of four years was cheating on her. Then on Friday, her supervisor told her they had to cut her hours...AND her pay rate. Awful, yes, but it kept getting worse!
Her landlord told her that he could no longer afford to provide rent-controlled housing; and the hospital has turned over the emergency room charges for Suzanna's broken leg to the collection agency. Now Suzanna is afraid to answer her phone. She can't ask for support from her mother who has just been diagnosed with cancer and called her daughter in tears. What would you do?
If one or more of these crises is affecting your life, it's time to turn crisis into opportunity. Sometimes circumstances force us to make changes that we would not have made otherwise. It's not easy, but if you can develop a strategy and work toward purposeful goals, you can emerge stronger and more self-confident. Here are some ideas that might help Susanna.
1. We Need To Cut Your Hours and Your Pay. Although you'll be tempted to quit, it's best not to leave a job until you have another job. Search out other options instead. What opportunities exist for adding hours elsewhere within the company? Stall for time to look for a new job or add a service to help create income for the hours you lost. Perhaps you could use your skills to provide some sort of in-home service, sell personal care or home products, or do phone sales.
If the future with your company looks truly dim take this opportunity to search out a better job. Reach out in the world and tap into your network. Update your resume, take a close look at the job market, post resumes on sites like Monster.com and Craigslist. Inventory your many talents and publish them for potential employers to see.
Think creatively: One man thought of wearing a t-shirt with a company logo for a fee; he has many customers now. What have you always wanted to do? Free up your mind to think in new directions. Most of all do not panic and shut down. Get over the shock, make a plan, figure out who you really are and what your skills and talents are. Then go for it.
2. I Don't Love You Anymore. When someone says this, the other person feels shock. But really, deep inside don't we all know when things are not going well in a relationship? It is a two-way street. The problem is to identify when it's really over and figure out what to do next.
A natural first reaction will be shock and denial, then bargaining and sometimes pleading. These are all normal, healthy reactions that usually lead to recovery and then gradually to moving on. Give yourself time to grieve as you would with any major loss. When you feel ready, have a good funeral and step up to a better relationship.
Take this time to get to know who you really are and what you want. Learn how to enjoy your own company? Get to know what makes you special. Rushing out to replace a lost love can lead to more of the same and feelings of desperation that nobody likes to be around. Falling in love with yourself is the surest way to draw love into your life.
3. Your Position Has Been Made Redundant. During company mergers, people often learn that someone else is already doing, or will soon be doing, their job. Downsizing is all too common and a painful rite in corporate life today. Just remember, in life, when one door closes, another one opens.
To find that new door, focus on your unique abilities and gifts. Think deeply about the challenges your company and your supervisor are facing and come up with novel solutions. Redefine your job description and expand it. Make yourself invaluable, strive for good feedback and look for ways to reach the eyes and ears of the decision makers. If there is something that you always wanted to do, that you thought was a natural fit and should be in your job description, now is the time to do it. Then think it through. In your work environment would it be better to propose it to your supervisor before starting? Or would it be better to start incorporating it into your job, then propose it at a decisive moment that will make your contribution stand out?
Stay cheerful and friendly. If you make yourself positively useful and visible, you may be able to redefine yourself as a leader and step into another job. Either way, the exercise will get you thinking about your full range of skills and abilities that can help you move forward beyond an apparent dead-end.
4. You Can't Live Here Any More. If the landlord has decided to sell a house you are renting, ask if you can negotiate a deal to buy it. If it is beyond your means, could you share the purchase price with another? If the landlord already has a buyer in mind, accept the disappointment and begin to search for something else. Take this opportunity to improve your living arrangements and find what you have always wanted.
If you're losing your house due to foreclosure, have you investigated every option, communicated early and often with your mortgage company, and checked out every possible aid program? If it's unavoidable you must accept it and move on, taking a long look at your financial management style. Be honest with yourself about how you got into this situation, and develop a plan for rebuilding your future.
Let your dreams take flight. Would you like to live in the country? In a loft? In another part of the country? Share a house with another? Ask for new opportunities and they will appear. It is a time for positive change and if you see it as something good, it will be so.
5. Your Insurance Won't Cover This Procedure. Assuming this is a necessary procedure, talk openly with your health care provider about your financial situation. You might be able to negotiate the price and establish a schedule for paying out the fees. Fees received over time are better than nothing and you may find a willing doctor. Call around among other providers. Look at out-of-network providers if your insurance won't pay anyway. Sometimes independent practitioners who do not take insurance have lower billing rates. Your county health department can tell you if there is a federally subsidized clinic in your town.
Asking never hurt anyone. Many healthcare organizations are giving cash discounts these days. If you have some savings, ask for a discount for paying cash. The discount alone can save you more than the interest you would have earned on your savings. Be sure you get a receipt marked "paid in full."
Communication works in all of these cases. Never count yourself out. Instead, keep looking for creative answers. Many pharmaceutical companies provide free medications to families without insurance. Surf the web. Ask around. Insurance companies, non-profit societies, foundations and support groups may have resources as well.
6. Your Close Relative Has Cancer. Sadly, all of us know people with cancer. When a close relative has cancer, it's important to share your time with her and do things to help her and her family: prepare food, babysit, help with chores, run errands, go and visit if they want. Sometimes just being there is what they need most. It's important to talk with family members also. When there is serious illness, the family members often are the ones who are really left out. They need your support and friendship too.
Do not be afraid of cancer. These days, chronic diseases, including heart disease, diabetes and many cancers, can often be successfully managed. Learn more about cancer and how you can help. There are many websites such as the American Cancer Society and the Susan B. Komen Society. Learn by talking to others.
Many of us get started in one direction and keep going on autopilot until something gets in our way. It could be our health or the health of a family member or something catastrophic to our finances or living situation. The important thing to remember is that you are your own best resource. As long as you don't allow the stress of the situation to overcome your faith in yourself, you have all you need to survive and succeed. Be alert to open doors along the way and you'll be able to turn today's challenges into tomorrow's opportunities.
Nancy D. O'Reilly, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and founder of womenspeak.com WomenSpeak.com, has worked with women in a strategic, problem-solving fashion for more than 25 years. She is the author of the self-help book, womenspeak.com Timeless Women Speak.
She is passionate about educating and offering women a place to share the experience of growing older in a positive and rewarding atmosphere. During more than 10 years of research she has asked more than 1,200 women of all ages the hard questions about growing older in a youth-driven society. Women find comfort knowing that they are not the only ones who worry about getting older and who wonder if their value as a person will be compromised. Dr. Nancy interviews an interesting woman author each week for a podcast on her website. She was nominated for Missouri's First Lady Award in 2008 and recognized as one of Springfield, Missouri's Most Influential Women of 2007. She speaks frequently on women and aging, biofeedback, depression, migraine, mental health, constructive confrontation, workplace violence, and stress management. She gives radio and TV interviews, has published professional articles, and has presented her research at a national conference of the American Psychological Association.
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