On February 23, 2007 my daughter died from the injuries she received in a car crash. Surgeon after surgeon tried to save her life, but their efforts were in vain. My daughter's injuries were too extensive and she was also brain dead. Despite our profound shock, my husband and I signed the legal documents for the harvesting of her organs.
Our thinking: We can make something good from this tragedy.
The harvesting process, according to LifeSource of Minnesota, begins in the emergency room and moves to intensive care, where the medical team tries to save the patient's life. As doctors updated us on our daughter's surgery we slowly came to terms with the severity of her condition. The organs would have to be harvested quickly, the doctors explained. "Organs are matched with the patient on the national transplant waiting list who is the best match," notes LifeSource.
Two days later we received a call from the organ donor agency. Our daughter's organs had saved two lives and two others could now see. While this news made me sob, it was also comforting. According to LifeSource, more than 100 people are added to the transplant list each day. Though we would never meet the organ and eye recipients, I felt a kinship with them.
Months later, my husband and I were invited to a dinner honoring organ donor families. We discussed the pros and cons of going. The cons -- renewed emotional pain, a driving time of three hours, and conversation about organ donation -- outweighed the pros. Neither of us wanted to be recognized for our daughter's decision to be an organ donor.
However, we did want others to understand the process. JAMA, the Journal of the American Medical Association, has published a patient handout about organ donation. "Recipients of organs are chosen by severity of illness, time spent on the waiting list, and medical factors, and not by economic or celebrity status," the handout explains. Our legal permission had started this process.
Yesterday we received a letter from the Minnesota Lions Eye Bank. To publicize the benefits of eye donation and celebrate its 50th anniversary, the organization is asking for personal stores about eye donors. A questionnaire was enclosed with the letter. We completed it because it gave us an opportunity to credit our daughter.
If your loved one was an organ donor you have probably received invitations to dinners and other events. Should you go? You are the only one who can answer this question. Making a pro and con list, as we did, may help you make your decision. Consider the purpose behind the event and how it may aid your grief journey.
Three years have passed since our daughter died. During this time we have received more invitations to organ donor events. We understand the concept of honoring donor families, but we just can't make ourselves go. Instead, we stay home, talk about our daughter's achievements, her wonderful twins (a boy and a girl), and her generosity in being an organ donor.
Copyright 2010 by Harriet Hodgson
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Harriet Hodgson has been an independent journalist for decades. She is a member of the American Society of Journalists and Authors, Association of Health Care Journalists, and Association for Death Education and Counseling. Her 24th book, "Smiling Through Your Tears: Anticipating Grief," written with Lois Krahn, MD, is available from Amazon.
Centering Corporation has published her 26th book, "Writing to Recover: The Journey from Loss and Grief to a New Life" and a companion journal with 100 writing prompts. Hodgson is a monthly columnist for "Caregiving in America" magazine. Please visit her website and learn more about this busy author and grandmother.
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