Long Distance Caregiving

If you have a parent or older relative that lives far away from you, it is sometimes difficult to know how you can help them when they become ill or infirm. You may not be able to leave your job or family to provide regular care. You can help them get what they need, even if you can't be there all the time. But it does take some careful planning to make the best use of your time and take care of their needs. It is especially important that you talk with your older relatives to determine what their needs are. Don't simply assume they need your help when, in fact, they don't.

One way to assess what is needed is to visit them and make careful observations. Make note of their diet, interactions with others, their ability to get around, and how well they seem to be handling their finances. Make a safety check of the house, to see if repairs are needed or if there are any hazards such as loose rugs or inadequate lighting. Ask them how they are doing, and also ask friends, neighbors, and others who might know them. You may find that some people are already providing help. Take careful notes, writing down each person's name, address and phone number before you go home, and make sure you provide them with yours so they can contact you if needed. Find out what services are available in that community through contacts with the local Area Agency on Aging or other information and referral agencies such as the local United Way.

Once you have made an initial assessment of how your family members are doing, then you need to see about ways to help them in a way that is consistent with their desires and their ability to remain independent.

You might see if there are ways to get a better return on their savings to provide more financial security. Help them set up direct deposits and automatic drafting of bill payments to make it easier for them to manage money. In some instances, a joint bank account with your family member can be helpful so you can make sure that bills are paid. If your family members are unable to handle financial matters, you might obtain a durable power of attorney, giving you the right to manage their assets.

See if people who are already helping care for your family members can do any more. If not, you can consider a private care manager, if available in their community. For a fee, private care managers can help assess needs and make arrangements for needed care.

It's always a good idea to remain in close contact with whoever is helping care for your family members through phone calls, thank you notes, and holiday cards. This keeps lines of communication open, making sure that you can get in touch with them when you need to, and lets them know that you are concerned.

Ultimately, you may want to see if relocation of the family member closer to you is desirable. However, this can be very disruptive and difficult for an older person, and should only be done when other options are not possible.

While you may not be able to do all you wish for your family member who is far away, there are many things you can do. Also, you should remember that many things you may have difficulty doing from a distance may also be just as difficult if done in your own community. Working together with your family member is the key to making sure that your efforts are most effective ... and appreciated.

Caregiver's Resource Inc. (CRI) is a leading developer of caregiver education and automated telephone voice-information services to meet the growing needs of people caring for an aging family member or elderly loved one; affordable alternative advertising for elder care business and service providers eager to reach this population and innovators of the Caregiver's Resource Kit, Caregiver's Resource Helpline and Caregiver's Resource Audio E-book. Visit caregiversresource.com/caregiversituation.htm caregiversresource.com/caregiversituation.htm or call Toll Free 888-791-7301 for the Caregiver's Resource Helpline.