Real Men Don't

In the past if a parent needed care from a family member the first person that was contacted was the female in the family. Whether it be the oldest daughter, the closest daughter, or a sister. It used to be that when men said, 'I'll always take care of my mother", it meant, "I will get someone (else) to do that". Our society as a whole, often has viewed care giving as an essentially female role. Women still do provide the bulk of family care, especially personal bathing and dressing tasks. Many women within larger families complain that brothers don't do as much as they think they should do. Males, when they do take on that care giving role, often feel unprepared and become socially isolated, and less likely to ask for help.

But things are changing, like it or not. Today, more and more men are taking on that role. The Alzheimer's Association and the National Alliance for Care Giving estimate that men make up nearly 40 percent of family care providers now, up from 19 percent in a 1996 study by the Alzheimer's Association. About 17 million men are caring for an adult.

With the number of people needing care and the fact that female boomers are often working themselves, many men have no choice but to take on the care giving role. In the past we saw a movement in fathers stepping up and staying at home and taking care of babies. Now we are more and more seeing sons step up and take care of fathers and mothers. But it's very new and awkward to many men. They are not linked in to the "lifelines" that have been established mostly in the networks of females that have been sharing stories of similar experiences for years. Due to this, it becomes very stressful. Men can't talk about it. They feel cut off.

Men used to boast about their accomplishments as breadwinners or fathers. Now, some men worry about the conflict between caring for their parents and these other more common roles. Caring for a parent raises the question of "What kind of human being am I?"

As a caregiver, it is important, male or female, to reach out for much needed support. It is not an easy job. You not only need support and guidance based on what medical condition you are dealing with, but emotional and physical help for yourself as well. Working men need not be embarrassed to reach out to available employee-assistance programs. While they might feel that their employer thinks less of them as they deal with these issues away from work, the programs are there to help them not only be more productive at work but to help them as a human being as well.

For men or women who work, the new role of care giving may mean giving up their self-image as experts, and enter a lifestyle of many unknowns. It is, after all, not easy to know what to do to help your loved one, or how to provide the right help. Care giving is not an easy job.

Men should reach out to community agencies to find support groups. Issues raised in male caregiver support groups are very different than ones raised in female support groups. Home Helpers often employs male caregivers and has had great success! We encourage you to call us for any support you might need at home. We are here to help!

Home Helpers provides non-medical personal care services similar to what is often provided by family members. Our services are designed to help people maintain their independence and avoid isolation. We provide up to 24 hour care to clients in their residential home or in a facility. To learn more about our services or to ask for our free newsletter, call our office at 513-754-1182 or 859-801-1510, or view our website at homehelpers.cc homehelpers.cc.