When families come to me with their initial questions about adoption, many say they have started researching online, but feel overwhelmed with the amount of information that is out there. In my 10+ years of experience working with adoptive families I have seen a few trends when it comes to adoption. In my adoption counseling sessions we start with a few basic steps.
Many couples have been struggling with fertility issues for several years. Adoption has been an in the background consideration as a "perhaps we'll do this if...". It is important to discuss with your partner how you both feel and where you stand on the topic of adoption. Many couples will seek assistance from a professional counselor to help them process their feelings on the subject. Quite often this is very beneficial as people find a safe place to explore their issues of grief, mourning, fear and loss. It is also important to fully explore your thoughts on adoption issues such as parenting, parenting a child that is not your biological child and to be sure that your partner is on the same page with you on this important topic.
The next issue we generally explore is what are your "child sought" parameters. I have found many people to be uncomfortable with this question. As a society we are raised to not make judgements or perhaps this question sounds prejudicial, but it is an important question to be addressed. One of the adoption counseling techniques I will have couples do is have each partner close their eyes and visualize what their adopted child looks like. How old is the child, what gender, hair color, do they have freckles, etc? I ask couples to be as specific as possible and to write down their visions of their adopted child. I then have each person write down their thoughts. In the adoption counseling session, I will have them describe what their adoption vision. Quite often this excercise brings some surprises- such as one partner never thought their spouse would be open to adopting an older child, or siblings. This exercise is a great starting point for some really fundamental, important discussions on your adoption.
Once you have your vision of the child you are seeking, we start exploring what programs might fit their needs. Are you leaning towards a domestic adoption- infant or foster care? There are many agencies who place US domestic infants for adoption. You should always check references and compare programs, fees and the agency's procedures. Fees and processes with this type of adoption can vary greatly. For U.S. Foster care adoption you should contact your state's child welfare officials. If you are living abroad, such as U.S. Military overseas then be sure to find an agency that knows how to work with expats and can help you adopt abroad.
If the couple's child desires are leaning towards an international adoption, then one factor to determine is whether or not you will be adopting from a Hague country. If you are adopting from a Hague country this will narrow your selection of agencies to only agencies that are Hague accredited. The couples explore the various programs. We will explore and research issues such as how long is the waiting period, what types of children are available, what age range are the children for adoption, what issues are particularly relevant for this country. One of the foremost questions to address is does the couple meet the eligibility criteria.
These are some of the primary issues we address in adoption counseling sessions. After sorting these basic questions, you will have a good foundation to start your adoption journey. Your home study agency, social worker and child placing agency will be important partners in your path to adoption. You may contact me with your adoption questions.
Adopt Abroad is a Hague accredited child placing & home study agency. Since 2003 Adopt Abroad has been assisting U.S. military and other expats abroad with their adoption needs. Currently Adopt Abroad has adoption programs in Armenia, Bulgaria, Colombia, Jordan, Morocco, The Philippines, Ukraine and places children from foster care with US families living abroad. Vist our website for adoption information, seminar & support group dates as well as referrals to adoption professionals. adopt-abroad.com adopt-abroad.com
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