Gone are the days when people felt that a childless couple was destined to remain so because they have problem with their reproductive system. Gone, too, are the days when eyebrows were raised when it became known that a child was adopted and he was discriminated against. So if you want a child and your doctor tells you that you cannot have one, why not consider seriously the possibility of adoption? If you have one child and your doctor tells you cannot have another, why not give your child the required companionship of a brother or sister by adopting a baby who has no home and who can complete the family of your dream? Remember that as you grow older, you grow smarter but more alone.
You have to imagine what it feels like to be abandoned, totally alone in the world knowing there is no one who really cares if you live or die. Along come this man and woman who says, "We will love you. We will take care of you. You are precious to us." You will want to please those people because they have given you love and hope.
Many people believe they could never feel the same an adopted child as they would toward their own child. An adopted child and his position in the family is the same as that of a biological child. For reality, once he is legally adopted, the couple assumes all responsibilities of real parents; he has all the rights of a biological child.
You cannot go out the same day you finally decide you want to adopt a child and come back with one. You may have to wait for years before you are granted the custody of a baby. And it will be one or two years more before all the legal documentation are completed. When a decision to adopt has been reached, go through an approved adoption agency. Don't try to get a baby through the back-door methods and don't take a baby that someone knows about and can arrange to get for you for a sum of money. If you do, you may live to regret this haste very seriously.
A child whose adoption is arranged for through the proper channel is thoroughly tested, physically and mentally, to make sure that he is healthy and normal. His parentage is normally known to the adoption agency, and why he is being placed for adoption. Furthermore, the adoption agency takes care of the legal matters connected with adoption, thus avoiding the heart-breaking experience of the baby's parents having to claim him from his adopted parents at a later date.
While waiting the couple will be interviews by members of the staff of the adoption agency. They will want to see if the couple or the individuals are physically, financially, morally, emotionally, and intellectually equipped for parenthood. The worker of the agency may drop in on the persons interested in adoption unannounced, to see how they live when not expecting a visitor.
Besides preparing a room and necessary equipment for a baby, they must prepare themselves psychologically for this big event. It means that both parents-to-be feel sure they are doing the right thing, that they will love the child as much as if he were their own, and that they will never turn against him even if he does not come up to their dreams and expectations.
In most case, the parents of adopted child always love him as much as they would their very own. First, they have waited so long and a child of their own never arrived. Then they have waited so long for a child to adopt. Their love is heightened, therefore, because the child fulfills a long-for hope. Few adopted children ever have reason to question their parents' love for them.
Unfortunately, this is not always the case when there are other members in the family. If there are other children, born before or after the adopted child's arrival, the rivalry and jealousy between children almost in every home, may be increased by the real child's feeling that the adopted child does not rightly belong to the family.
Another group that create problem for the adopted child are members of the older generation. They often believe adoption is wrong because God sends children to families He believes will make good parents. Many grandmothers are prejudiced against adopted children, especially when they have real grandchildren. The adopted child is sensitive to these feelings; and it makes him feel even more unwanted and unwelcome. To avoid this unfortunate situation, parents must do all in their power to convince their elderly relatives of the joy the adopted child brings into their lives.
Sooner or later every adopted child finds out he is adopted. How he learns this, and from whom, is most important for the attitude he develops toward himself and his foster family. Learning the wrong way from the wrong source can do harm that no amount of love and care will ever undo. So it is important that the foster parents take time to explain everything to the child once he has reached the age to comprehend the full meaning of adoption.
The adopted child must have a healthy attitude toward the whole matter of adoption, fostered by years of experience with people who love him in the home, and people in the community who accept him as they accept all other children who are not adopted. Only in this way will he escape frustrations, heartbreaks and resentments that always come to an adopted child when he realizes the full meaning of adoption.
Anthony Modungwo is a freelance writer. He writes on relationships and family. He holds B.Sc and MBA degrees from the University of Benin.
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