In the UK, fostering dads attend less training, foster carers support groups and fostering meetings. Although the majority of fostering families include a male foster carer, research by fostering organisations finds that male carers often feel undervalued and that their contribution is less important.
Michael, a foster dad's perspective
Let's face it, women can talk about their feelings much more than men. After our kids left home and the cheering stopped, Julie began to feel at a loose end and after a chat, she suggested fostering and I realised we both missed the hustle and bustle of family life but I didn't want to admit it!. If I'm honest, although I thought it was a good thing for us, I just tagged along and didn't give it much thought until the social worker came to visit and did she open my eyes!
She gave us examples of behaviours from foster children and like most men, I imagined being the one expected to step in if things got physical, although I saw there was much more to fostering. During the assessment, although it wasn't a big thing at the time, messages from the social worker were usually left for my wife and if I spoke on the phone, more often than not, the social worker asked for 'Mrs B'.
After we were approved we felt on top of the world but it had been a hard slog getting there. We soon had our first young lad, he came with a few problems. We soon got over our excitement, and the boy settled in. From the training I had learned that most children who had been disadvantaged and had been in trouble, had one thing in common, no good adult role model in their lives.
This is where I knew I could be a real help to youngsters, something I could do just because I was a man. I could be that new role model, helping youngsters to change what they know or think, about men. I would be the foster dad who they could discuss problems with that they won't talk about to foster mums.
All went well but soon the same feelings I had during the assessment of being a second fiddle carer returned as comments like, 'it doesn't matter if he's not at the meeting' and phone calls from the social worker started with 'hello, is Julie there.' Other things were frustrating like any training was in the day when I was at work.
I was reading the other day that The Prince's Trust suggests that a lack of parental and other adult role models is driving some young people to turn to gangs for support. Come on fostering, recognise us for the work we do as fostering dads, speak to us, stop making us feel outsiders and don't just think that we might be risky foster carers because we are men.
Fostering can be a demanding task. Foster carers certainly need good health, an understanding of the difficulties faced by parents and a commitment to the welfare of children which is shared and supported by all family members.
It is of paramount importance to choose the right fostering agency, there are over seven hundred in the UK. Follow the Government's advice to 'contact more than one Fostering Agency if you are interested in a fostering career'.
For comprehensive and easy to understand information, help and advice, contact Annette or Joe at Simply Fostering.
Joe is a friend of Simply Fostering, recruiting foster carers in the UK. Visit simplyfostering.co.uk simplyfostering.co.uk
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