Got kids who still need you? A boss who expects you to be on the job? A partner who would like some of your time? And now an aging parent who needs you, too? What do you do? Become a caregiver for your parent? Move mom in with you, or you with her? Or find placement for your parent away from home and family? You have options. But do you know what kind of senior care your parent wants? What do your siblings think? If you haven't yet had those difficult discussions with the family, including your siblings, then now is the time. Talk about it now, before your parent needs elder care, while they are still healthy and active and can express their wishes and make choices. Don't wait until a crisis strikes, your parent is unable to communicate, and you have to make a decision immediately. Many elderly folks want to age in place; smart senior home care planning will allow them to grow old in their own familiar surroundings. Others want social interaction and choose senior residential centers or assisted living facilities, when they need help.
Some seniors make their decisions early, sell their home, and move into a transitional living community where they live in their own cottage or unit, independently. As they decline and need care, they move to the assisted living unit. But these choices are costly and must be made by your parent while they are still independent. If the decision is for mom or dad to age at home, and you are considering being the caregiver, be sure this is a job you want and can do. Think about it carefully. Can you spare the time and energy away from your own family? What if you quit your job? Can you afford to lose your income, healthcare benefits, and pension? Are you a nurturing and patient person? What was your prior relationship with this parent? And, very important: Will you have support and help from your siblings? If you decide this is the job for you, there are many rewards in helping your parent to age with dignity, but be prepared for the challenges. And be sure all other family are involved. They should take turns giving you days off. They can help with paying bills, financial issues, meals, shopping, or taking mom to medical appointments. Siblings who live far away might take over on-line banking services or handle legal matters. If your parent needs care 24/7, then you can't be the sole caregiver. You will need help from other family members or someone trained in eldercare. It is not uncommon for the caregiver of a loved one to pass away first. The stress, energy expended, loss of sleep, and the many other challenges take a tremendous toll, both physically and emotionally.
If, on the other hand, this is not the job for you, there are in-home elder care services. Most senior caregivers do the job because they enjoy elderly people. They have training, experience, and are bonded through the agency.. When contacting an elder care agency, a geriatric care manager will assess your parent's abilities and needs, and the home environment for access and safety. They will make recommendations and give you options. They can take over the total care plan, or they can provide some of the help and support you in providing the rest of the care. Often families will hire help during the day, then provide the needed care at nighttime and on weekends. It's up to you. When the time came to care for my dad, I had no living siblings and no other family members to help. He was not about to leave his home and I had assured him that I would do my best not to place him in a care facility. He lived in a rural community and eldercare agencies could not assure consistent caregivers. I lived 300 miles away and was still working. I could not do the job. We placed ads in community papers, church bulletins, and spread the word. It took a while, but we eventually found a woman who had caregiver experience and dad liked her; he was involved in the interviewing and hiring process. Initially, we only needed her a few hours a day; over time we increased her hours and responsibilities, as his needs required it. I visited often and kept frequent contact with her and Dad, on the phone. You can think smart, plan ahead, and manifest your wishes. Dad lived out his life with dignity, in his own home with care that progressed from just a few hours a day to full time live-in care. He was 92 when he died. I did it; you can to.
I earned my M.A. in occupational therapy at USC, and dedicated my career to working with elderly men and women in rehabilitation centers, nursing homes, and private homes. I then cared for my own elderly father as he declined, making modifications and providing care that allowed him to age with dignity in the comfort of his own home.
After his death, I wrote the book, DAD'S HOME ALONE, Caring For Your Elderly Parent, to not only share our journey, but to provide a handbook for others facing the many choices and issues involved in caring for an elderly loved one. The often humorous stories help to exemplify the challenges we all face when caring for our loved ones.
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